Whenever Debarge comes on the radio, I feel the compulsive need to dance.
My go to’s are the shopping cart, lawn mower, and running man.
Usually I go dance off mode when I’m cleaning the house or cooking dinner. I’m a slightly overweight 37 year old father of two, so I have no shame. Besides, my infant daughter thinks it’s funny, so #winning.
Here’s how I think I look dancing:
But here’s how I actually look:
Ooooooh! Totally hooked a U turn on that one. See, when I dance, it’s while straining spaghetti, or hanging laundry. I do a two step with a twist and shake my hips.
What I don’t do is a fucking backflip whilst carrying a loaded gun.
I get being happy, celebrating life through movement and physicality. And I get that people make mistakes. But this decision making dynamo made a series of little mistakes that compounded into “mega mistake.” First mistake, those skinny pants. Final mistake, bustin’ a cap in a bar patron while reinacting “Save the Last Dance.”
Questions abound from Daddy vs. Why was this man immediately released from police custody? Despite being an agent, and more than likely having a concealed pistol permit, he still made a choice to drunkenly do a backflip while wearing skinny pants, and he still shot someone. Any other citizen, regardless of proper licensing, would’ve been detained and charged. Because a crime happened.
In reality, I’m more worried about the decision making capacity of this law enforcement official. I mean, Christ, skinny jeans, bro?
Speaking of sound decision making, the dance craze is spreading.
Aaahhh. The dancing doctor. I feel my brain cells committing suicide one by one. She’s all over the news in a big bad way. HIPPA violations and malpractice suits are the least of her worries. Her dance moves suck.
What’s wrong with people?
Oh wait, I get it now. This is the world we’ve shaped for ourselves isn’t it? When these are your world leaders, it’s not hard to see how the population is following suite.
So this June, take a minute to sit with your kids, and speak with them about decision making and common sense. If your kids are the type to brush their teeth with a toilet brush, just tell ’em go easy on the playground equipment. And if the urge to dance strikes you, please do so without blades, guns, and other weapons, and in an appropriate setting.
*Images of world “leaders” obtained via Wikipedia